Dr. Karen

by Karen E. Engebretsen-Larash, Psy.D.

Now that the holidays are over and the decorations have been put away, reality has set in. It’s 2011, and like most of us, you probably made some new year’s resolutions as you watched the ball drop.

Each year, there is a hope that this one will be better than the last. Although we promise ourselves to make the necessary changes for a better life, the pocket-full-of good-intentions only last a few weeks (at best) and we end up disappointed once again. Unfortunately, we keep hoping for different results without making any significant changes. This is the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and excepting different results. This article is intended to address this issue.

I believe the biggest reason failure occurs is because the focus is on changing ACTIVITIES (behavior) rather than SELF. For example, a desired goal might be to loose weight. Thus a rigorous schedule to increase the rate of exercise and decrease calorie intake is developed. But at the first hint of failure (or falling off the wagon so-to-speak), the resolution become null and void and old behavior patterns are resumed. As a result, those negative tapes start again which reinforces a sense of shame and defeat.

But lets consider what would happen if some additional questions were are asked in the planning stage such as: a) how may pounds do you want to loose (a specific goal is much easier to measure and it provides a concrete structure whereby progress can be assessed); b) what triggers the desire to engage in excess intake of food or substance; and most important, c) why do you want to loose weight anyway? Paying attention to one’s motivation is the key to success. If the goal is to please someone other than self, victory is less likely since the goal is outer-directed instead of inner-directed. What do I want and why?

These seem like relatively simple questions, but they can be powerful tools to help anyone stay on track for any behavior change program. As you review your own 2011 resolution list, I present you with this challenge. Instead of focusing on behavior modification, focus on YOURSELF by asking these questions: What do I want and why? What is important to me? What are my limitations? Are my relationships satisfying and if not, why? Do I pay attention to BOUNDARIES and respect myself enough to say NO when those boundaries are crossed? What tools do I already possess to help me feel good about myself? Do I have BALANCE in my life and if not why? Do I make time for leisure? Do I take time to PLAY and nurture the child within me? When you know who you are, and what you want, there is a much greater chance of being successful at whatever you tackle in life.

Remember, life is a journey with many possibilities. The very situation which appears to be a roadblock can be viewed as an obstacle or opportunity. Our attitude plays an important role in how we filter information and behave. If you think you’re going to be successful, you’re right. If you think you will fail, you’re right. What do you want and why? You are a UniQue human being with great potential. So enjoy this year and all it’s possibilities and enjoy YOURSELF!

Copyright © 1998,2011 Karen E Engebretsen-Larash, Psy.D, PA. All rights reserved